The Real Life of a Narrowboat Wife

Sunday, 27 February 2011

Twitter

Tara Cain is the one who finally made me sign up to Twitter. I know it makes sense but I resisted. I know I will be addicted by the end of the week. I signed up in the pub, while waiting for my friend, The Bride. But right now I don't know how to tweet. I don't know how to follow. If you are reading this please be my twit friend! @Boat_Wife. xx

Silent Sunday

Breakfast

Saturday, 26 February 2011

Great Expectations

When I was pregnant with my first child I was smugly confident that my experience and knowledge as a hypnotherapist would allow me to reap so many of the emotional and psychological benefits that hypnosis promises to mothers. I also expected to use self-hypnosis to manage pain during childbirth. I had a comfortable, relaxed and uncomplicated pregnancy. When people suggested that I must be experiencing the various expected difficulties of pregnancy, not to mention the obligatory terror of childbirth, I contradicted them and explained that self hypnosis kept me healthy and calm, and that during childbirth this would reduce the cycle of fear, tension and pain discussed in Grantly Dick Read's pioneering book, 'Childbirth Without Fear'. I made my own personalised self-hypnosis CDs for a healthy pregnancy and calm birth and recorded a script to practice glove anaesthesia. I used a birth preparation CD created by another hypnotherapist and with my husband, I attended an antenatal hypnosis course for couples. I also attended a two day professional workshop for practicing hypnotherapists, entitled 'Painless Childbirth'. The courses provided me with valuable information on the physiology of childbirth and practical techniques and ways of using hypnosis. Marie Mongan's book ‘Hypnobirthing’ was an informative, encouraging and comprehensive overview of her methods and suggested that comfortable childbirth was natural and achievable. Ina May Gaskin's 'Guide to Childbirth' provided me with inspiring and uplifting stories of positive, even orgasmic, birth experiences.

All of my hypnotic preparations and studies lead me to set my heart on an idealistic birth experience. The harsh reality, pain and exhaustion I experienced were a real shock to me, as was the perineum tearing, the swelling, the baby blues and slow postnatal recovery. I wondered if hypnotherapy had worked, or whether I had failed. I was stunned, traumatised and depressed about my childbirth experience. I felt that I had expected too much from hypnotherapy and that it had not fulfilled what I had hoped it would do.

I am not alone in my initial disappointment with the expectations that I had. I emailed the members of my NCT antenatal class to ask if any of them had any experiences of hypnosis that they'd like to share. From the brief, anecdotal (and therefore admittedly unscientific!) evidence I have gathered, women seem to agree that hypnosis definitely reduces fear and increases confidence during pregnancy.

However, they described that hypnosis did not meet all of their positive expectations and some had a feeling that they had 'failed' because their birth experience did not match descriptions such as this one found on the Hypnobirthing(R) website,

“Just imagine welcoming each surge! Feeling peaceful... relaxing... and even smiling as your baby comes closer to you!”

Most mothers I spoke to found childbirth far more challenging than that!

“After being told that eight hours of early labour and regular contractions had made zero impact the hypnosis stopped working.... I look back with a positive feeling and gratitude, still love the music, but would include something about accepting pain” (Mother who used a hypnotherapy CD).

“I unfortunately have to say that when I did go into labour EVERYTHING I'd learned i.e. hypno stuff, NCT breathing and stuff from books flew out the window and I was practically unable to breathe despite my husband’s best efforts to calm me down... After ten hours at home I was only 2.5cm and was desperate for the epidural...” (Mother who did a hypnosis for childbirth course, and ended up with an emergency C-section).

“My labour progressed really, really quickly... I had gas and air and an epidural... in the end I got quite tired and they used the ventouse.” (Mother who did a hypnosis for childbirth course and used some self-hypnosis CDs.)

So what are realistic expectations of hypnosis in childbirth?

The Hypnobirthing(R) website states, “We can't promise you a 'perfect' birth - no one can - but we can promise you a much, much more comfortable and relaxed birth than you would have had otherwise.”

After meeting other new mums and having a meeting with my midwives I learned that my own labour was shorter and more efficient than most. I required no interventions, pharmaceutical pain relief, or gas and air – I got by with just my hypnosis and a Tens machine. My labour notes repeatedly comment “excellent breathing technique” and my midwives said that I was very “in control”. I had a candlelit Frederic Leboyer (1) style homebirth, and my calm little baby didn't cry when she was born, took to the breast straight away and had an Apgar score of 10/10, (a measure of newborn health). I now realise that to have this cosy uncomplicated homebirth at the age of 35 I was very lucky. I have met many mothers who had interventions, caesareans and bad hospital experiences. In 2007-08 the UK national caesarean rate was 24.6 per cent and the number of instrumental deliveries was 12.1 per cent. More than a third of women (36.5 per cent) had an epidural, general or spinal anaesthetic during labour. (2)

I was shocked to find childbirth so exhausting and painful, but in comparison with other births, I now realise that my daughter's birth was a very natural one. My midwives were reportedly “on a high” after attending my childbirth and confirmed to me that hypnosis was a big factor in the success of my birth experience.

The measurable benefits of using hypnosis, shown by scientific research (3), have included a shorter labour and a reduced use of pain relief, medical and surgical intervention. There are also reports of shorter hospital stays, reduced instances of post natal depression and higher Apgar scores.

The emotional benefits of using hypnosis for childbirth are generally suggested to be;

A reduction in fear of childbirth and an increased confidence in the body's abilities to birth naturally. Hypnosis encourages expectant mothers to feel more calm, relaxed, prepared and in control. It can also provide increased pain management abilities during childbirth.

From my own childbirth experience I can thankfully tick most of the items on these lists of suggested benefits of hypnosis. However, it seemed to me that many women felt they had been given unrealistically high hopes. I now believe that it is important to be aware of the need to manage these expectations and balance them with the need to encourage a positive outlook.

In her book 'Life After Birth', Kate Figes writes,

“Christina McKenzie (midwife) believes that ‘the way back to the middle ground is to be absolutely honest with women about the outcomes. Women get bombarded with glowing views of motherhood. There’s a fear of scaring women and putting them off, but it’s patronizing to assume that they can’t cope with the full facts. I still hear discussions where people say that if you give women that much information, then you’ll just confuse them.’

It is well documented that hypnosis can provide anaesthesia during surgery and dentistry and that it produces many beneficial effects for pregnancy and a more comfortable birth. There are even anecdotal reports of pain free birth. However, such incidents are rare and not always related to the use of hypnosis. Myself and other pregnant women have placed great faith in these positive anecdotes. I believe that it is misleading to suggest that by using a particular method or technique that painless childbirth is achievable for all. However, there is still a real need to balance and challenge the ubiquitous childbirth horror stories with positive anecdotes from women who have had empowering and beautiful experiences. This kind of optimism will produce a more relaxed and enjoyable pregnancy. Hypnosis can provide a more comfortable, easier and natural birth experience, it also provides practical techniques for managing pain. However, I want to provide my clients with a realistic viewpoint so that if they do experience pain they aren't left wondering where it all went wrong.

What do you think?

Did you use hypnosis in childbirth? What were your expectations of hypnosis, childbirth and motherhood?

For further information about hypnotherapy go to http://www.hypnoticloop.co.uk/

(1) 'Childbirth Without Violence', by Frederic Leboyer recommends a quiet, dimly lit environment for the child's gentle transition into the world.
(2) NHS Maternity Statistics, England: 2007-08 from the NHS Information Centre http://www.ic.nhs.uk/
(3) A summary of the scientific research supporting these points can be found at www.hypnobirthing.co.uk/hypnosis_in_childbirth_research.shtml

This article was first published in The Hypnotherapist Journal, September 2009.
(c) Peggy Melmoth
http://www.thehypnotherapyassociation.co.uk/
http://www.thehypnotherapistjournal.blogspot.com/

CyberMummy 2011 Meet and Greet

Cyber-what? It's a conference for British Mummy Bloggers on 25th June. The venue is about ten minutes walk from our winter mooring and probably even closer to my childminders place, but by then it will be summer time and we will have cruised off into the sunset and will be lost on the Grand Union Canal in Hertfordshire somewhere. I'm really looking forward to meeting some of the other bloggers I've met in cyberspace, going to writing workshops and also learning cool things like how to make money from blogging, get more blog readers and my personal favourite "Effectively use social networking (without it taking over your life)".
Carly at Mummys Shoes is hosting a 'meet and greet' on her blog so that some of us can get to know each other before the big day. So, introducing...

Name: Peggy

Blog: The Real Life of a Narrowboat Wife

Height: 5ft 2 (Can fit under most canal bridges without ducking.)

Hair: Long ish, straight ish, dark, dark brown.

Eyes: Dark brown and mysterious, good for intently gazing, and fortune telling ;-)

Likes: Rioja, Camembert, writing, blogging, narrowboating, travelling, woods and trees, the sea, the moon and the stars, India, candlelight, The Doctor, and my two tiny boat girls.

Dislikes: War, famine, disease, gongoozlers*, and the really annoying American bloke on the Muzzy advert, “Kids are open to languages...” aaargh.

*I don't really dislike gongoozlers they just make me feel self-conscious, especially when I am doing a lock. (A gongoozler is a person who enjoys watching boats and the such-like on the canals.)

Meet The Boaters

What makes someone decide to live aboard? Does having kids change that? Why do some families stay living aboard, and others decide that as their children grow older, it’s time to leave the waterways and live ashore? I’ve begun to interview some boaters and ex-boaters about life afloat.

Louise (39) is a nurse and lives aboard with her eight year old daughter. She has lived aboard for fourteen years and loves the pretty colours and the glistening of the sun on the water.

She bought her first boat because she needed somewhere to live and she felt that rent in London was “absurd!”

What is your current boat like?

“It’s a 42 foot narrowboat, with a wheelhouse, 2 bedrooms, a bathroom, kitchen and living area and big hatch.”

What do you like about your boat?

“I love being able to steer from the inside, listening to the radio, watching the windscreen wiper when it's raining and I'm, warm and cosy inside and talking to my daughter the whole time and being able to keep an eye on her. I like pretty much everything!”

Is there anything you don’t like about boating?

“I dislike leaky windows but the tarpaulin does a mighty fine job keeping the blasted raindrops out.
The best things are a wonderful sense of community and belonging, looking after my neighbours and feeling looked after. Financial freedom, change of scene, great friends and canal family, lots of colourful characters and musical gatherings.”

And what are the worst things about the lifestyle?

“The worst things are running out of water, full toilet, when the engine will not start, and not having enough room on the back deck for my bike.”

Louise lived aboard for six years before having her daughter.

Did becoming a parent change your thoughts on living aboard?

“Yes, I enjoyed living on the boat even more when my daughter was born, because I spent a lot more time at home with her and enjoyed walking along the towpath whilst pushing her in her buggy. I knew a good few boat mums and felt quite connected. We travelled on the boat a lot as well before she started school, so it was a great adventure.”

What are the best and worst things for children living aboard?

“I'm not sure that it is that great for children to be honest, there’s limited space inside, no garden, and the water is so dangerous. We do so much off the boat, she is well loved on the canal. My daughter does like going up to Denham and being at the country park”.

Denham Country Park offers 69 acres of rambling walks and woodland footpaths. It is surrounded by the Grand Union Canal and the rivers Colne and Misbourne.

“Being on the boat, means that I get to spend more time with my daughter because I don't have to work like mad to pay rent or a mortgage and I like being there for her.
The worst things are that there are not many other children on the canal, parents are wary about their children visiting, there’s limited space, limited power, and she has to help or wait while I do the chores, like laundry etcetera.”

What do people usually ask you about living on a narrowboat?

“Is it cold in winter?”

What encourages you to stay living aboard a boat?

“What encourages me to stay? Being able to move into the catchment area for a great senior school when the time comes. Being able to live in bustling London or the green of Denham in the same week, canal family, fresh air, country walks around Denham at weekends, canal-side pubs and musical get togethers.

So would you ever leave the waterways and live on land?

“ If I did ever move ashore I think I would always keep my boat. It's quite refreshing to remember all the great things about boating.”