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| Goal setting: life planning. Does it work? |
I was going to write something about my goals and dreams
because it’s a New Year. I worked through a great workbook from Elinor Wilde theWorking Mums Coach, about how to find the pause button, because there never seems
to be enough time in my life. I also enjoyed an hour alone with a glass of wine
and the Unravelling Workbook from Susanna Conway. I thought I needed to
redefine my dreams and work out another action plan towards my goals. I thought
I wasn’t doing well enough in my business and that I could rearrange things so
that I was working more efficiently and providing a better service. I’ve become
attracted to goal setting and affirmations and vision boards and training for
entrepreneurs and mumpreneurs. But is that really who I am?
I want to be happy, but I am never truly happy these days. I
am always planning something, goal setting or analysing something.
I feel I should be
writing about narrowboat life; how hard it’s been in the snow. How the diesel
stove packed up this week and my husband spent hours taking it apart and
chipping coke from the insides. How I took the boat to the water point
yesterday, reversing through frozen plates of floating ice, only to find the
tap is still frozen.
I could describe the relief and happiness I felt when we
bought a small portable butane heater; or the tears I cried at 5.30am on the
front deck last week. I was up early to go to the Boatshed conference in London
when the propane ran out. While my family slept I used a mallet to free the gas
spanner from the frozen front deck. I tried and failed to change the gas bottle
and crouched in the soft, silent snow on the front deck in the deep, icy,
darkness crying real hot tears. I just wanted my family to be warm when they
woke up, and for my husband to be able to easily make a cup of tea. I was not
sure that boat life is still for me.
I moved onto a boat in my late twenties when life was an
adventure lived mostly in pubs, and no children depended on me.
I feel I ‘should’ be
writing about narrowboat life on this blog, but I want to write about my own
life; about my choices and trials and tribulations: And the elusive search for
happiness.
For some reason, turning 40 recently has made me feel like
very soon, I am going to figure everything out! When I do, I will let you know
the answers.
